If it applies to you, read it…
December 16, 2008 § 2 Comments
I think some people forget this….
Almost everyone has had to deal with someone who is petty and mean spirited. Sometimes these people come and go in your life quickly, but other times they’re a nuisance for a long time to come. For instance, you may have a family member, romantic relationship or a co-worker who is petty and mean spirited. Right now, they`re a fixture in your life, and you may have to put up with them for a very long time.
Why do they do it?
You’ve probably asked yourself several times, why the other person feels the need to antagonize you. Why do they want to hurt you, or make you angry? The answer to these questions is varied. Most times, the other person is dealing with feelings of jealousy, remorse, anger, envy, distrust or spite. They may not understand why they do the things they do themselves.
The important thing to remember is that you can’t control their actions. However, you can control yours. Both you and the antagonist are responsible for your actions, and nothing can change this basic fact. In order to deal with someone who is petty and mean spirited, you have to control your reaction in order to reap the most benefit.
Don’t Get Sucked in to Their Game
Often, the antagonist wants you to blow up and get angry. If you do, you’re essentially rewarding their efforts. They walk away thinking you’re the mean one, and in a sense, you are. Anger can be a useful tool. Anger lets us know when we’re being mistreated, and spurs us to confront or defend ourselves against the onslaught, which can be useful. But when anger is given free reign, you become no better than the antagonist.
When dealing with someone who is petty or mean spirited, don’t get sucked into their game. Basically, they’re playing a power game, and every time you react in a negative manner, you’re allowing them to win.
Play it Cool
The best way to deal with a petty, mean spirited personality is to play it cool. You can and should stand up for yourself, but at the same time, you should do it in a positive manner. For example, if a love interest is treating you unfairly, you should inform them of what they’re doing calmly. Shouting, arguing and punching walls does nothing to further your cause. Instead, they can point to your actions, and use them against you.
Instead, inform them, and walk away. If you feel your rage mounting to the point of no return, simply walk away from the situation.
Let Them Fall Into Their Own Trap
When someone is baiting you, it’s easy to lose your temper. It’s basic human nature, really. But humans also have intellect, and you can use yours to your own advantage.
For instance, if a co-worker is baiting you at work, you can either react harshly, or show your fellow co-workers that you’re a better person than that. You’ll garner respect from your co-workers, and make the baiter both powerless and impotent. In effect, you can turn the tables on them. They’re the ones that will look bad, and deep down, they’ll know that they have treated you unfairly, whether they want to admit it to themselves or not.
Remove Them from Your Life
In some cases, you may have no choice but to remove a mean spirited person from your life altogether. It’s sad, really, but some people aren’t willing to work on their attitudes, and you have to learn to accept that. It’s better to remove the person (not associate with them any longer) than it is to be put under constant emotional pressure.
Often, a mean spirited person can be helped through intervention. A personal life coach or counsellor can often find the root cause, and help the person deal with their issues. There are a myriad of reasons why someone may be mean spirited, and like I mentioned before, they may not even be aware of the reasons why.
Pettiness and mean spiritedness are a part of life sometimes. In most scenarios, you will be powerless to stop the other person from acting the way they are. However, you can take comfort in the fact that you won’t allow them to drag you down with them. In the long run, by being a better individual, and working on this area of your personality, you’ll be the happier person in the long run.
Happiness is up to each and every one of us. We control our surroundings for the most part. Taking personal responsibility for your actions is the road to happiness.
(taken from here)….